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American Public Deemed Mentally Ill

June 2, 2014

The American public has been deemed mentally ill.

Instead of the American public expressing any concern about a 19 month old who was being housed in a methamphetamine drug dealer’s residence and exposed to an untold amount of dangers and abuses, a child and its mother are expected to receive a multi-million dollar settlement for the child being injured in a police raid which intended to rid its community of illegal drugs which makes animals out of people. The mother of the child is suddenly a victim and separated from any sort of responsibility. The drug dealer is the angel darling who obviously could not be held accountable for any of his life choices even though he is an adult. Websites have been set up to provide handouts for this mother because the adults who are supposed to care for the child do not have health insurance to care for their child who was injured.

This occurred during the same week American Army deserter Bowie Bergdahl was “rescued” after releasing five hardcore terrorists to the Taliban to get him back.

The American public has been deemed irrational, pathetic, and mentally ill.



Hole in Ozone Widens as Pat Sajak Heats Up the Internet-o-Sphere with Incendiary Tweet

May 22, 2014

©WENN/ Pat Sajak

Pat Sajak, legendary host of the game show Wheel of Fortune, took some time to weigh in on environmental issues. Before he tucked himself in for the night, he called Global Warming alarmists: “unpatriotic racists.” Al Gore shook his head and muttered “I knew we couldn’t trust that guy.” Hippies banded together and smoked marijuana in protest while other hippies accused them of causing a bigger hole in the ozone due to marijuana smoke emissions. Scientists poked back at Sajak by posting scientific equations which proved nature was dying. Many scientists then ridiculed Sajak’s education level and reminded everyone they could find for a day or two about all the advanced degrees they achieved to comfort themselves about Sajak’s comments. Others asked what race environmentalists were and what country they were shaming.


International Bunnyhunt Underway for Possibly Slain Parents of Max & Ruby

May 4, 2014
Suspects or Victims?

Suspects or Victims?

An international manhunt, or bunny hunt, is underway in hopes of locating the parents of Max & Ruby. A concerned television watcher of the children’s show “Max & Ruby” called the NickJr Department of the Nickelodeon Network to report they have never seen Max & Ruby’s parents on the show. It mainly shows two small bunny children caring for themselves while their bunny grandmother occasionally shows up to drink lemonade with a hint of mint.

Some believe the parents may be buried in the backyard. Others believe the parents abandoned the children at birth. Local law enforcement declined to comment other than informing the press that an investigation was underway.

Man’s Keys Fall Out of Pocket While Snowblowing Driveway; Same Man Locates Keys in Spring

April 5, 2013

rusty keys

A certain adult male who will remain anonymous and is definitely not the author of this blog was snowblowing his driveway after a particular hellacious snowstorm in 2012. While heaving the snowblower up against ginormous mounds of snow, his keys slipped out of his pocket. Shortly afterward, it is believed the keys were lofted into his front yard and buried at an unknown location in the snow by his trusty snowblower. This man was then forced, due to his own stupidity, to go to numerous hardware stores and employers to replace the keys which were now hibernating in frustrating secrecy.

As the warmer temperatures of spring melted away the snow in 2013, he located his keys in the sopping, muddy grass. The keys were ruined and rusted; however, the fob for his car still worked.

Child with Mouthful of Candy Saves Hunk of It for Mom

April 2, 2013


During a holiday celebration, a child ran to her father. While gnawing on a mouthful of taffy, she began to chatter a rapid-fire series of unintelligible words while trying to keep yellow taffy-tinged spit from running down her chin. The father told the child he had no idea what she was saying. The child pulled a hunk of the taffy out of her mouth and ripped a piece of it off. She stuck it to the countertop, took a deep breath, and told her father “Isn’t this taffy a pretty yellow? I’m going to save a piece for Momma to look at when she comes home.” She ordered her father not to throw it away. The child then plopped the mashed mass of taffy back in her mouth and ran back toward the cousin frenzy in the living room.

Luminescent Skate Park Promises Athletes Unique Environment to Practice their Skills

March 20, 2013

luminescent skate park

Koo Jeong A collaborated with  l’escaut architectures to create a luminescent skate park in France called “otro.” Otro gives skaters the opportunity to practice their skills in a glow-in-the-dark concrete sculpture which includes “different bowls connected by one tunnel and a cradle.” The architect wanted to create a “dreamscape amidst the natural surroundings. It is meant to live and be used, providing a sensorial experience to skaters and spectators alike.” It appears he has certainly accomplished this.


Ohio School Shooter Proudly Wears “Killer” Shirt at Sentencing

March 20, 2013


TJ Lane killed three fellow students at a school shooting near Cleveland in 2012. Another three victims were injured when he opened fire. At his sentencing, he gave a statement in the presence of the parents of his victims. A portion of this statement was “This hand that pulled the trigger that killed your sons now masturbates to the memory. F— all of you.” Why are his parents, Sara A Nolan and  Thomas Lane Jr, not joining him in his lifelong prison sentence? It appears they have earned it if rational societal accountability is to exist. Or we can enjoy future copycat killers where attention-starved, neglected juveniles find a great light in the mass-attention they will get in mass-killing after receiving training while playing Call of Duty and World of Warcraft?

Evidently parents aren’t going to be held responsible for their actions or lack of action in one of their most fundamental, if not the most fundamental duty. Until America begins to practically value human life, this is the bed we collectively are forced to lie in. It is repulsive that this is just another headline. It is sickening that the entire nation doesn’t stop what it is doing right now to grieve over this and strive for a reality where this doesn’t exist.


The Pain That Comes With Charging In

March 16, 2013



For the men and women who volunteer, who know the value of honor, who are the core of this nation, who sacrifice without complaint.

Our nation needs your wisdom. Our nation needs is starving for your leadership.

Parents Be On The Lookout: Man Banned from “Every Library on the Face of the Earth” for Lewd Act

March 15, 2013
Tyree S Carter, Banned from All Libraries "on the Face of the Earth"

Tyree S Carter, Banned from All Libraries “on the Face of the Earth”

Tyree S Carter is now banned from “every library on the face of the earth.” He was “standing in the open, not trying to conceal” a lewd act performed in a public library in Racine, Wisconsin. While he roughed up his own suspect in front of repulsed library goers, police were called. He apologized as this was his first time “doing it in public.” Hopefully, for all the people on the face of the earth, it will be his last time “doing it in public.”


Father Does Dance in Living Room Which Now Makes His Children Laugh But Soon Will Embarrass Them

March 14, 2013


Earlier this week, a father did a strange and uncoordinated dance in the living room. Miraculously, he did not pull any muscles or sustain any kind of injury. He took this course of action to interrupt a toddler temper tantrum and a sibling dispute over stuffed animal ownership. As toddler tempers began to flare, the father felt the need to take drastic, distractive action. This action consisted of turning on some Latin dance music (so all the sexy talk is disguised by a foreign language) followed by an awkward, non-rhythmic, near joint-dislocating dance. It worked. The children stared at him then began to giggle. They forgot all about the stuffed animal and were transfixed by their father who was flopping and flapping all around the living room like some sort of peacock having a seizure.

When the father finished this dance, he knew that he had won the day or, at least, the moment. As he walked back toward the kitchen to wash the dishes he noted that although they found this dance funny today, in a few years this dance would most certainly embarrass them should it be performed in front of their friends or in public.